


The Claw In Your Side

by Varynova



Series: The Insatiable Somnambulant [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Content Warning: Discussion of Body Type, Earth C (Homestuck), F/F, Fluff and Wish Fulfillment, Headshaving As Affirmation Of Identity, Internalized Nonbinaryphobia, Internalized Transphobia, Jade Learns She's Nonbinary, Post-Canon, This One's Less 'Homestuck Meta' And More 'Gender Meta' So Buckle Up Cupcake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-16
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-17 22:11:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20628350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Varynova/pseuds/Varynova
Summary: For their date, Rose brought strawberries, feta cheese, and charm...Jade brought a Uhaul.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Content warning: This story contains descriptions of food.
> 
> Thanks to [SamanthaStarbreaker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaStarbreaker/works) for beta-reading this work!

My paring knife meets the pert flesh of the final berry, scything away the fertile green top and loosing a gout of sweet-smelling red juice. It wafts to my nostrils, and I twitch them, scenting it as I split the green away from the white undermeat. I toss the top into the sink and make four quick cuts, turning the strawberry into slivered sections ready for their bed. With a flicked wrist the wooden turner rolls the golden-brown wheatcake once, careful to take air underneath and not curl the sides. It'll burn, if I do that.

The best part of cooking is always the lavish scents, like the comfortable sizzlesmell of batter on griddle. Bready, but sweet; wholesomely filling, but better for the teeth than candy. It's finished, so I pull it off of the pan, shut off the stove, and start to fold: bottom in, side in, other side; strawberries dropped in the center, then a dollop of fresh sweet whip and a dusting of confectioner's sugar, and I close the top.

I slide it across the bartop counter to the waiting blonde whose home I'm cooking in.

ROSE: Thanks for the crêpes.  
The sound is glottal, almost guttural, in the back of her throat, practiced French circumflex darting out amidst the rest of the compliment.  
ROSE: I certainly don't mean this as a dig at you, but when did you learn to make them so elegantly?  
JADE: oh last night  
ROSE: You... slept on our couch last night.

What I don't say next is, _yeah, I stayed up reading recipes after we agreed I'd make dinner for you as thanks for extending your couch to me over a couple days, because I kept crashing on it so I could see you, date after date._ What I extra don't say is that I'm used to winging recipes like this for people who let me sleep over because anything is better than being consigned to my own bed.

I shrug, affecting nonchalance.

  


It's a short while later, and we're sitting on her couch, having finished our meal. Rose's hand rises, and the backs of her fingers brush and caress my cheek. She merely... watches me, gazes into my eyes, studies my facets and drinks in my every blink and giggle.

This is the sort of thing I had, once upon a time, only dreamt about. Before I had ever seen Rose's face, I imagined her much like she is, but... rounder, taller, more broad-shouldered, with longer, curlier hair and a shyer smile.

That is to say, more like myself, the only person I had ever met.

It's true, I may have had moments of physical attention like this in the past, with passersby or part-time lovers, but this experience-- two dates in one week with Rose, and one with Kanaya, and another upcoming-- is just so wholly unlike my usual schedule. And by 'schedule', I guess I mean that I'm not usually much of one for second dates, much less spending evenings in the apartments of pretty girls.

I lean myself into her facepets, sway to the sound of her breath, eyes closing as she seeks me out, a bee to my flower.

Her lips are roasted marshmallow, still sweet with crepe-taste, powdered sugar, or her vanilla lip gloss. My doggy senses can sift through many layers of her muddled, delightful scent, even as the taste of her urges itself into my mind, fills my mouth. Then her tongue plays at my lips, offering to do the same.

I hear it before she does, the thin _tap-clack_ of heels on wood floor in the entryway, but my ear quirks, and Rose looks up for a moment from our shared kiss. Then her shoulders tweak as the door cracks to, and swings wide. She wrenches her head around in time to see her wife enter their flat.

Kanaya spots us immediately, weight shifting to her back foot as she smiles.

KANAYA: Oh  
KANAYA: Apologies To You Both  
KANAYA: I Did Not Figure You Would Be So  
KANAYA: Intertwined  
KANAYA: At This Moment

Rose's arms have already sprung back, away from me. My heart skips a crestfallen beat in the moment it takes to process her almost instinctual retraction, before I recall the notions that, for one, it's rude to hug up on people in situations where someone can see you, and for two, that goes doubly so if said someone is your wife, and you are-- as my friends were up until quite recently-- fervent monogamists.

But Rose laughs despite herself, and her hands meet my forearms again. A far cry from kissing, but I suspect I can worm my way back there with effort.

ROSE: Hello, dear. Fret not, you're not interrupting.  
KANAYA: Says The Woman Whose Appearance Is Rather Like A Grub Caught With Its Feelers In The Round Confectionery Storage  
She waggles her delicately curved eyebrows, and I watch Rose's cheeks redden deeper than even our smooching had ignited.

I can't help but loose a titter at that, and raise an arm to give Kanaya a welcoming wave. She ditches her coat before shedding her delightful shoes with a grunt of relaxation.

JADE: hello kanaya!!  
JADE: i had such a great time the other night!!!  
JADE: id never been to that restaurant before  
JADE: alternian fine dining is something else!  
KANAYA: It Was My Pleasure  
Rose turns from Kanaya to blink deep, curious blinks at me.  
ROSE: How expository of you.  
JADE: haha what?

And back to her wife.  
ROSE: How was the... performance?  
KANAYA: Aah Well  
KANAYA: Xyleph Was  
KANAYA: As Per Usual  
KANAYA: More Seen Than Heard  
KANAYA: And Better Off For It  
ROSE: That bad?  
KANAYA: Well I Swore Despite His Puppydogging I Would Attend No More Of His  
KANAYA: Spectacles  
KANAYA: However It Was The Best I Could Enlocate On Such Short Notice Today  
ROSE: Oh, well. My condolences.  
ROSE: Care to join us for some conversation?  
KANAYA: Is That What You Term Your Activities Prior To My Intercession  
She smiles wryly, and Rose returns the shot eyebrow.  
KANAYA: Well Then Pardon Me

Kanaya chooses this moment to step over towards the couch, resting her little Louiis Vuiton cloche with a clank against the glass center of the living room table. She sidles up to me, a pale, full moon over my head; I'm quickly reminded that even while I'm taller, Kanaya's a sizable enough woman to truly loom over me seated. Her eyes are locked on Rose, still, whose lips are pursed, anticipatory but entertained.  
KANAYA: If I May  
ROSE: I... insist?

The vampiress' eyes flick to me. Two long, deliberate fingers catch just under my chin, and she leads my gaze up. I barely have the presence of mind to rewet my lips, trying to minimize the doofy grin brought on by this sudden avalanche of affections.

KANAYA: May I  
JADE: ooh please do

She kissed me good night at the end of our date a few days ago, but this kiss is nothing like that. This kiss is a volcano, the sort that moves blood and mandates attention. This kiss is a deep and inviting probe into my whereabouts and innermost needs. Still tender, yes, attentive, and Kanaya waits for the moment I press back into it to dart her tongue between my teeth and tease at molars with a turn of her head.

Then Kanaya straightens up, fixes an errant lock that had dwindled out of her perfect bangs, and nods.

KANAYA: Mmm Crepes  
KANAYA: Perhaps In A Short While  
KANAYA: I Rather Require Some Familiar Alternian Classical Listening To  
KANAYA: Clear My Head

I slump against the back of the couch, circuits frazzled, and reorient myself to space and the room, which feels much smaller and cozier, redder and more soft to the touch. Maybe it's that the sun has set, sometime during my focused attention on Rose.

My eyes flit open once more, and I turn them to her; her lips are still pinched shut, and her blush is immense, radiating like sunlight. She's leaned forward against her knees now as if trying to catch her breath, steady herself against the couch with one hand.

JADE: rose  
JADE: are you okay?? you look really warm  
ROSE: Aah, I'm quite alright, thanks.  
She picks up her water glass, half-draining it in three swigs.

ROSE: Perhaps I'll lose the sweater, though.

She does, unshrugging herself out of the autumnal wrap draped around her shoulders.

Something emits from the door through which Kanaya passed a short time earlier. At first it's barely recognizable as sound, much less music, rather a thick vibration of the flooring felt even through the rug around the couch, and accompanied by bass-heavy thumping, and what could sound to the uncultured layperson like large livestock being slaughtered awake. I'm familiar enough with Alternian music-- and with some Meshuggah albums lent me by one Roxy Lalonde-- that at the very least I can appreciate it as quite traditional indeed.

ROSE: I must say, however...  
ROSE: Watching my wife attempt to excavate your tonsils does wonders to broaden my horizons on all this.

I chortle at the notion. It's funny, but I keep forgetting Rose was worried about Kanaya's feelings towards our relationship in the first place, and every time she mentions it I just want to tell her not to fret. But she's got to realize that on her own, I guess.

JADE: hehe  
JADE: im glad i could offer myself up to help then! :D

I expect her to laugh at my puerile joke, to call me silly or chide me for my constant desire to take up residence in somebody's arms. But her face is downcast, just for a moment, before she shakes her hair out, resettling her hands on my upper arms.

Against all my better instincts, I chew my upper lip, and look into her eyes.

JADE: rose  
JADE: whats wrong  
Rose exhale-snorts through her nose with a quizzical glance.  
ROSE: Nothing. There's nothing wrong.  
JADE: okayy  
JADE: if you say so?

I let out a deep breath, trying to quell the tension arising in my stomach, but Rose tuts her tongue on her hard palate and grimaces.  
ROSE: I just wish I knew how to not feel so...  
ROSE: Fluctuative? Irresolute?  
JADE: :/  
ROSE: Apologies. I know you're not the right person to whom I should vent about this.  
ROSE: It's just...  
ROSE: To start, I felt awfully foolish being startled like that, by my own wife.  
JADE: sure  
ROSE: It was as though I was still so caught up in being discovered doing something wrong that I failed to recall that she's in on it as well.  
ROSE: So why do I feel like I'm double-crossing her instead of her partner in crime?  
JADE: ...

I have no idea what to say to that.  
JADE: would you like a hug  
JADE: would it help  
ROSE: ...Perhaps. I'm unsure, but it sounds worth an attempt.

Rose rights herself, prepares to receive a stilted, seated hug, but instead I reach down to put a hand at her thigh. She bends her leg up, accommodating me, and when my other hand reaches her lower back she gives me a bemused grin, as if to ask where I'm going with the gesture.

Then I pick her up, and she makes an adorable squeak. Dragging her dead-center on my lap, still facing sideways, I wrap her smallish torso entirely in my embrace. She laughs below her breath, and takes a moment to settle in and nestle close.

ROSE: O-oh.  
JADE: this okay?  
ROSE: Quite. It's comfortable, actually.  
ROSE: Rather nice.  
JADE: good!  
The crown of her gold-blonde head meets the center of my chest, and I can feel her every muscle ease just a bit. Rose sighs, letting herself relax, and I breathe in time with her, urging her to settle into the moment, nuzzle close to me.

ROSE: It's funny.  
ROSE: Now it's not even so much the fear that I'm doing something wrong, but rather the second-order silliness I feel at having felt that way in the first place.  
JADE: sounds like you could do with something else to focus on  
JADE: and finding some other way to think about this whole thing so it doesn't feed back into itself  
ROSE: Hmm? How do you mean?  
JADE: yknow  
I turn my nose down, feeling Rose's hot breath crawl across my cheeks, and press it into the curve alongside her own. I smile against her lips.  
JADE: im sure youll think of something  
Her eyes flutter closed, so close to me that her eyelashes brush the lenses of my great moonlike glasses. My arm wrapped around her shoulder cradles her head, supporting her as I dive back into the previously-interrupted kiss, offer myself up as a compelling enough distraction to disengage Rose's mind from her 'second-order silliness'. She sighs into my mouth, a sigh of comfort now rather than exasperation, and we linger there for a while, merely enjoying each other's bodies.

  


Eventually, she cranes her neck down again, pressing herself into my front and raising a hand to my shoulder to bury her chin in the crook of an elbow.  
ROSE: I'm sorry, you must be getting tired.  
ROSE: Will you be going home tonight?  
I chew the inside of my lower lip. Aside from having run out of clean clothes-- a concern fixed with alchemy, or with a quick visit home during hours my hosts are busy-- I don't exactly have anything waiting for me there.  
JADE: aah i can if you want me to?  
ROSE: Do you... need to, though? Perhaps a preference for sleeping in your own bed?  
JADE: i  
JADE: uh  
JADE: its not like im keeping plants or pets that need looking after there  
JADE: i havent been gardening in forever, like i said :(  
ROSE: Hm. I can see why that could be a disappointing state to go back to, yes.  
JADE: but if im getting in the way im happy to go!  
I nod, acting emphatic. I won't be a burden on them! I'd hate to get in their way.

ROSE: I'm not so much asking for what I want, Jade.  
ROSE: I'm asking for what YOU would like.  
ROSE: Irrespective of the question of politeness regarding taking up space in my home.  
JADE: oh  
What do... I want? Is there even a question of it...?

I can feel my voice thin out as I even contemplate the notion of going home, the only things waiting for me there being disused storage rooms and billowing curtains on gaping, wrought-iron windows. Heated floors the only thing between me and the oceanic cold just below, my only companions the moss and barnacles wracking the dock facing the mainland. When I built it, I had the fantasy that as life settled down, and friends visited more, they'd appreciate my decor and enjoy the roominess, the charm of each bedroom decorated like a different part of my childhood home. But the visitors dwindled, and pretty soon even I never went back there, staying like a mangy stray on Dave's couch rather than fly out over the freezing spray night after night. He never complained, until even that became unbearable.

Want, indeed.  
JADE: rose im happy to sleep on your couch  
JADE: i just dont want to go home...  
JADE: i dont want to be alone in that stupid drafty castle  
JADE: please dont make me be alone  
The word is coarse in my throat, like the sandy strand on which said stupid home is situated. I catch myself scanning the far wall, eyes almost unfocused, and shake myself out of the stiff stupor slowly settling into my neck.

Rose looks at me, and her lower jaw shifts from side to side with sudden comprehension.  
ROSE: I see. Please, feel free to stay here tonight, then. I'm happy to make up the couch for you once more.  
I sigh.  
JADE: thanks, sorry to impose  
JADE: lemme know if im becoming a burden

But the short girl looks at me with troubled eyes. She sucks air sharply through gritted teeth.  
ROSE: I assure you. If there's a problem, I will let you know.  
JADE: will you?

The words exit my mouth before I can think them through, roll their implications over, or stop them. Rose's expression twinges from pity through annoyance to hurt, eyebrows arcing themselves and pinching in the middle of her forehead.  
ROSE: I'm aware that at times I can... conceal my motives and discomforts.  
ROSE: Not all of us can be so sunny all the time.

I can feel my ears drooping, shoulders starting to hunch. Is that how she feels...? Rose stands-- not like an exasperated person needing distance, I gather from the regretful hand that travels to her lips, rather more a woman who needs water after an extended makeout session-- but I feel myself shrinking into the couch regardless.

She sighs, and I can hear her jaw start to unclench in apology.  
ROSE: ...I'm sorry, that was awful of me. Yes, I can be forthcoming and honest with you regarding that.  
JADE: its ok i understand  
JADE: but  
JADE: rose, tell me...  
JADE: that first time we kissed  
JADE: and you told me that you thought i deserved better  
JADE: ...i have to know, were you only kissing me out of pity

Rose pauses, head out of sight in the fridge. She draws herself back up, tongue to the inside of her cheek and undoubtedly weighing the value of her promise.

ROSE: That was a week ago.  
JADE: yep  
ROSE: I'm afraid my hindsight hasn't quite covered that, processed it to its fullest at this time.  
JADE: are you evading the question or would you rather just save me an answer i dont want to hear  
She gives me an odd look.  
ROSE: Not quite either. I believe that the answer is no, but in light of your desire for honesty and my inability to dissuade this narrative with any tittilating tidbits, perhaps I should say this.

ROSE: I find you interesting for the same reasons I always have; you wear your heart on your sleeve, and speak as honestly as possible.  
ROSE: You have a fascinating ease with romance, as evidenced by your frankly precious conduct with Kanaya, and any time you conceal something from anyone, as far as I've been able to tell, you do so with the intention of saving them from their own disappointment, rage, or heartbreak.  
ROSE: And, ignoring your adorable tittered laugh, the sway of your tail, and the comfortable ease with which you make me smile, I find you a fascinating companion for your expertise in many fields I myself can find no foothold in, the purchaseless realms of the hard sciences, and mathematics, and astronomic nonsense.  
ROSE: And I think it deserves go unspoken the absolute preference I have for taller women.

I've leaned back against the armrest of the couch, at this point, watching Rose meander back towards it with two fresh-filled glasses in hand. She proffers one to me, and I drain it before setting it on a coaster.

ROSE: I envy every one of those qualities in you but the height. So, no, it was not pity-- for your inability to ensnare my entirely-too-gay brother, for your gorgeous home's disused interior, for our mutual lack of connection with the indeific population of this entire planet-- that led me to kiss you anymore than it led you to ask me to sit in your lap in the first place. Is that satisfactory satiation of your stress, or should I supply sundry situations of similar specificity?

I blink. Once, twice, three times. Huh?

JADE: no thats fine  
JADE: thanks for helping me clear that up  
ROSE: Of course. As I said before, I can rather understand the anxiety of not knowing such things for certain, and being asked so directly is, frankly, refreshing.  
ROSE: Now, then, it's getting late.  
Rose takes two elegant steps backwards towards her room, and I stretch upward, thankful for a moment's pause.

I think we both failed to notice that, at some point during our tense conversation, the music thumping from Kanaya's side of the apartment had faded out, and the door swings open once more, as she steps back into the living room.

Rose nods to her wife, smile at her lips as she turns.  
ROSE: Kanaya. I was just going to--  
My brain, however, is still whirling with the magnitude of Rose's depth of understanding, of my fears, the workings of my mind, and of the past week, and I blurt the first avaricious thought that springs forth upon seeing the tall troll.  
JADE: kanayaaaa can i sleep in your bed tonight

Immediately the burning sets in of two sets of eyes. This was probably not the method of entry most likely to succeed for me, but I have to know; I right myself in the couch, readying my biggest grin.

KANAYA: I Must Be Honest With You  
KANAYA: I Was Rather Looking Forward To Spending Time With My Wife  
JADE: oh, but--  
KANAYA: Alone  
JADE: oh

I nibble my bottom lip, framing Kanaya in the center-top of my glasses. I admit to knowing the effect it has on my eyes, which people have told me are my best feature, even as I doubt that it will work.

She narrows her eyes. It's not going to work.

But Rose sees my expression with an impish smile. Turning back to Kanaya, she skips over, arms wide, to go up on tiptoes next to her sweetheart and plant a thick kiss right onto her cheek. Then, once regarded by the taller woman, to give her own doleful turn, chin down, eyes high, in a grand and theatrical way that only Rose could muster.

ROSE: Wouldn't it be fun, though?  
KANAYA: Rose What _Has_ Gotten Into You  
ROSE: I merely thought that, as I'd agreed to Jade sharing our couch once more, that consigning her to less-comfortable furniture would hardly be proper hostesses of us.  
KANAYA: Was This Not An Issue Previously  
I can hear the edge of sarcastic playfulness in her question, and smile my biggest smile.

Rose's voice drops a semioctave, and she affects an almost cloying tone.  
ROSE: C'mooooooon.  
KANAYA: Must You Ask Me For This As Though I Am Your Mother  
ROSE: Given how constantly you brag about being the 'mother of this entire planet', yes, I suppose I am in fact entitled.  
Kanaya's skeptical glare wavers, and finally shatters into peals of laughter, sonorous and bright.  
KANAYA: Fine  
KANAYA: But I Insist On Retiring Immediately  
KANAYA: As Apparently I Am Rather Too Antiquated To Withstand Your Coordinated Antics This Evening

I bound from the couch, take the table in a single leap, unable to contain my thrill.

ROSE: Agreed. Shall we?  
JADE: oh yes lets shall :D :D

Rose turns to me, and offers the crook of an arm, through which my own dives. Then I hook myself around Kanaya's, eliciting another dignified chortle.

JADE: and ill make breakfast in the morning!

I pass into the bedroom with them both. I don't know if this will be a longer term arrangement than just this single night, but my heart bursts with excitement, in comfort flanked by my sun and my moon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my crafty plan for introducing the world to my very serious fantrolls, Xyleph Oooone, and his brother Glocke Nspiel.  
(guess what they do, go on, guess.)


	2. Chapter 2

After Jade's first night in our bed rolls over into a lazy weekend morning, I drag open the curtains over the windows, turning to gaze on the dappling beams now crossing my spacebound lovers. Kanaya's bared arm slumps across the mound of Jade's clavicle, fingers arrayed to caress her bicep from below. And there is where my own limb had lain, below the rounds of Jade's breasts and against her ribcage to rest palmside at my wife's hip.

Kanaya stirs, body folding from her sidelong position dressing Jade's, and cranes her head down, meeting the round of Jade's shoulder with her nose and jaw. There is a moment in which everything melts, and my entire universe-- the woman to whom I have been married for three and a half years, the woman I have been dating for three and a half days-- rubs itself against the cockles of my heart, the knurls and gnarls, the sub-cockular areas, and I must close my reddened eyes, use an errant overgrown fingernail to dredge them of rheum and saltwater.

While I feel I have made mistakes in getting to this place, I cannot abate the thought that this-- all of it, from this scene of my quiescent quarters to anything it could portend-- was worth it. Come what may, this is good enough.

I step into the kitchen and begin my morning's routine. After setting the electric kettle, I select two broad teacups, mete out an infuserload of her favorite decaffeinated blend to muddle in hers, and toss a teabag of the cinnamon vanilla chai into my own. I stand by them, eyes tracing the dappling of black dots and abstract lines through the stone of the countertops until I hear the burble, click, and song of hot water, and pour my wife's tea immediately. Then I shake and waft the kettle to bring the water back just under boiling. I cannot stomach it as bitter as she seems to enjoy it, humorously.

Tea in hand, I check the time. Early, moreso than usual, but my body still thrums with the energy of new connections and the strength of the electrons trapped in the glass filaments of my veins. I blame it on that image: myself, flanking the bed with Kanaya, Jade between us snuffling in sleep like an adorable, half-clad lump.

Then I sit, and I breathe.

A short while later, both my cohabitants shuffle from our sunsoaked, sepulchral bedchamber. Kanaya floats ethereally and wordlessly to her tea, gown about her like a geist; Jade smacks her gravelly lips a few times, scratching her back through an oversized tee shirt and staring out the window before sliding to fix herself a pot of coffee. She then trudges over to stand right between my couchseat and the window, blocking the sun behind me with the supermassive halo of cuddlefluffed corkscrews around her head, then taps me on the shoulder for a good-morning smooch.

I crane my head back, initially prepared to oblige, but what meets my nose is a truly stultifying halitosis, a roiling and eyewatering stench emitting from her open mouth. To my credit, I recoil only slightly.

ROSE: Do not take this the wrong way, Jade...   
ROSE: But you have dogbreath.   
JADE: haha i suppose i probably do!   
JADE: will coffee help or hurt that? :p   
ROSE: Even if now is not the proper time to shoo you forth to your home once more, then perhaps I could impress upon you to at least procure a toothbrush.

Jade laughs again, but senses my sincerity just under the current of the request and my reciprocated smile. She opts to deliver a peck to my forehead, and nods.

JADE: alriiiight!   
JADE: that seems a fair enough tradeoff :p   
JADE: after my first cup of coffee ill bounce to get a few things from home...   
JADE: its been long enough haha

I will later find her toothbrush in the master bathroom's sink, despite Jade's toiletries presently residing in the spare. This is how I will know that it foretokens unrest. Unrest, and dog hair.

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Jade takes off after proffering Kanaya matching affection to the cranium.

Kanaya seats herself abutting me on the couch, and we share a long, teasoaked morning kiss.

KANAYA: So Jade Lives With Us Now Then   
ROSE: It does rather appear that way.   
KANAYA: I Do Not Wish To Diminish My Affection For Her However   
KANAYA: It Is Rather Like We Have Adopted A Stray Dog

She takes a long and pregnant slug of her milkless tea, basking in the incredulous glare bustling under my raised eyebrows.

ROSE: Kanaya!   
ROSE: My god.   
KANAYA: Fine Then   
KANAYA: Like A Perfectly Lovely Dog Has   
KANAYA: Adopted Us   
ROSE: Oh, good. I was worried you might be making an uncouth statement.   
ROSE: I will say it, however: I didn't expect even her to move this fast.   
KANAYA: As Regards Bounding Into Our Living Spaces Or Our Bedroom   
ROSE: Kanaya, you know precisely that which I mean.   
KANAYA: I Can Suppose   
KANAYA: I Merely Presumed You Harbored Some Reason For Which We Could Not Yet Ask Her To Go Home   
ROSE: No.   
ROSE: Save that perhaps I don't want her to.   
KANAYA: But We Are Not Withholding Due To A Concern For Her Feelings Or The Like

I take my own long drink, filtering the leafy dregs through my teeth before setting my teacup down resolutely on the table.

ROSE: That doesn't sound like proper dating behavior. Honesty and boundaries and communication and all that.   
KANAYA: I Will Believe You Should You Disclose That Your Motive In This   
KANAYA: As You Assured Her The Evening Prior   
KANAYA: Is Not The Belief That She Is To Be Commiserated With Rather Than Appreciated And Enjoyed   
KANAYA: But I Wish You Would Say It   
ROSE: Aah, yes-- the question of pity. I see you overheard our conversation despite your music.   
KANAYA: Indeed I Was Privy To Segments Of Your Argument   
KANAYA: Including That In Which You Assured Her Of Your Honesty   
KANAYA: As Well As Your Assertion You Would Erect Proper Boundaries When Needed To Maintain Our Space   
ROSE: Well, you have in your metaphorical hand the ripcord to this particular parachute. Just let me know and I'll tell her to go home, or whatever else you need.   
ROSE: But no, I am resolute in my certitude. I promise you, I didn't kiss her, nor invite her to rest in our couch or our marital bed due to guilt for her circumstances or past.

Kanaya nods, blinks with thought. Her eyes narrow momentarily as some specific complaint rolls to the top of her mind.

KANAYA: There Is Only One Thing I Find Unacceptable As Regards This Arrangement  
ROSE: You can't mean...  
KANAYA: Oh But Most Certainly I Do  
ROSE: No!...  
KANAYA: Rose Darling  
ROSE: ...Only one? Then it's not...  
KANAYA: I Believe We Can Agree  
KANAYA: The Nudity Is Not At Issue  
KANAYA: For I Appreciate Both Your Glutei In Their Individual Fashions  
ROSE: Well, certainly.  
My wife's face draws closer to my own. My voice quiets, almost growlingly.  
ROSE: You'd be a fool not to.

Kanaya scrunches her lip in that way that indicates that perhaps she's about to seek diplomatic parley with an unsavory notion. But she speaks around it again.

KANAYA: Her Motivation In Bringing Several Plants To Accompany Her Is Frankly Delightful   
ROSE: ...Save her failing to ask us first, you'll grant.   
KANAYA: Indeed   
KANAYA: Likewise Her Misunderstanding Regarding Our Autochthonous Arboreal Entity In The Front Lawnring Was   
KANAYA: Baffling   
ROSE: Who wouldn't love the howling tree!?

Our faces are touching, now, noses meeting in eyelocked fervor between our flurry of mindmelded thoughts.

I rest my forehead to hers.

KANAYA: But Between Us We Have Had Three Dates With Her  
KANAYA: Today Notwithstanding  
KANAYA: Surely It Would Be Foolhearty To Permit She Continue This  
KANAYA: Infiltration  
ROSE: And yet...  
KANAYA: And Yet My Only True Complaint  
KANAYA: The Only One Of Substance And Not Bluster Nor Misplaced Propriety  
KANAYA: Is Her Hairs In The Sink  
ROSE: The lamentable doghairs! Where did they come from!?  
I can feel the muscles in Kanaya's eyebrow go taut and rise against my own. She smirks.  
KANAYA: A Mystery

I stand, hand crossing my chest. I cast my head to one side, feeling sunlight draw its lithe, infinite fingers across the arcing strand of my chin. My eyes close.  
ROSE: So you mean to say you don't mind her... functionally moving in?  
KANAYA: I Had Expected More Disruption To Our Lifestyle  
ROSE: And you thought it would be your duty to bring both our freewheeling, funloving selves back in line with appropriate household manners?

Kanaya laughs, and I with her. It's a pure moment, one in which I'm glad we share a truly arid sense of humor.

KANAYA: Quite So   
ROSE: Me with my querulous grumps re: space to read in, her with the bras and her bass lain haphazard through the front room.

Kanaya stands, follows me as I set a second pot of water to boil. She plucks one of the aforementioned brassieres from the back of the couch, arraying it across her arm for later organization.

ROSE: How do you stand our mutually indecorous rancor? One would think you would go quite mad.   
KANAYA: As If I Have Not Previously   
KANAYA: With Your Ceaseless Prattling About How Little I Must Enjoy Such Rendezvous   
ROSE: Rendezvouses, darling. Please.   
KANAYA: Precisely As Such   
KANAYA: It Is A Wonder I Am Not Gibbering And Consuming The Wallpaper For Watching The Two Of You   
ROSE: We had it in yellow for a reason, yes. I'll ensure we construct for you the finest sanitarium our limitless funds can establish.

She lays a hand at my cheek. I place my own over top of it, turning to meet her gaze.

ROSE: But... you're alright with this, then. And you're getting what you want to out of it, and of the time you spend with her.   
ROSE: You'd tell me were I pushing too hard for her inclusion here, unnaturally pressuring you.   
KANAYA: Indeed   
KANAYA: You Have Never Known Me To Conceal Such Discomforts   
ROSE: I do love that about you.

Kanaya leans in, lips meeting mine in a quiescent starburst of daybreak appreciations.


	3. Chapter 3

ROSE: Jade, I don't want to be an absolute bore, however...  
JADE: rarf?  
ROSE: And don't take this as either Kanaya or myself reneging on our continued interest in seeing you and offering up our home; I want to buttress my earlier promise to be honest with you if you're in our way.  
JADE: heh butt rest  
I stifle a laugh. God, she makes it hard for me to focus around her, but there's no helping my drifting thoughts.  
ROSE: ...Regardless, I wanted to let you know that even as we desire you continue your tenure as our...  
ROSE: ...Houseguest, Kanaya and I would like to set some ground rules.  
JADE: rules huh :/

Jade narrows her eyes, as though I've introduced her to a heretofore unconsidered notion.  
ROSE: ...Yes? Just basic stuff, if it's alright.  
JADE: go ahead, i can take em :p  
ROSE: Nothing so melodramatic, I assure you. Nor is it anything major.  
ROSE: First, Kanaya and I would like some space in the house for each of us to be alone.  
JADE: sure  
JADE: that makes sense i guess  
ROSE: She has her sewing room, but I was intending to construct an addition in one of the adjacent unused blocks for myself, such that I likewise had some private space. A trivial endeavor, which solves that problem tidily.  
ROSE: And as much as we love you cooking for us, please let us know when there are going to be dishes that need to be taken care of in a more prompt timeframe.  
JADE: sorry about that pot :/  
I shrug.  
ROSE: And last...  
ROSE: You've been here long enough that your, ah, hair is starting to accumulate in the sink?  
ROSE: And other places. It's very distinctive. Inasmuch as it's many feet longer than that worn by either Kanaya or myself.  
JADE: ohhh  
JADE: i guess i can see why that might be a little unpleasant hehe  
ROSE: Just a smidgen.  
JADE: just a hair? :p  
JADE: well rose i have the perfect solution to that!  
ROSE: Do you, now?  
JADE: like i said before i have been meaning to try shaving my head at some point!

I blink, then squint one eye at her.  
ROSE: I... really?  
ROSE: I have to admit I was preoccupied at the time of its prior mention.  
ROSE: I wasn't particularly concerned with the actual implication of the notion.  
JADE: yeah!!  
JADE: i mean  
JADE: i dunno, i could pull it off, right??  
JADE: i just think it looks so cool!!!  
JADE: and all my life it's just been tangles and messes and caught in stuff haha

I sigh. My chin drops, and with all the comforting energy I can muster I split my hands as they raise above my head and I put them to her shoulders, at about my head-level. I make the most serious face I can dredge up, eyes locked on hers.  
ROSE: Jade.  
ROSE: That would be _hot_.

* * *

The makeshift tablecloth-shroud caping Jade's shoulders ruffles as she adjusts herself in the wooden chair on our kitchen tile.  
JADE: i dunno!  
JADE: i like my hair a lot  
JADE: its just not...  
JADE: no part of my appearance really feels like it 'matters' to me that much??  
JADE: i dunno, i enjoy the big dresses i wear and the  
JADE: other parts of me??  
JADE: but its always been like  
JADE: 'yeah ok i could look REALLY different if i wanted!!  
JADE: that could be really fun!!'  
JADE: sooooo its like  
JADE: why not right now?

Kanaya returns from one of the side rooms, specifically the spare office in which she keeps her sewing and alchemization equipment. She holds a professional-grade set of hairclippers in her hand, freshly-concocted for the task, and struts back into the room, returning to Jade's side. I sit opposite them, in the chair between our two couches, facing the kitchenette, knitting in hand.

KANAYA: Why Not Now Indeed  
JADE: im glad you understand me kanaya!  
JADE: i almost thought you might tell me to sleep on it  
JADE: ive been sleeping on my hair for almost a decade!!  
JADE: thats the problem :p  
KANAYA: Surely Not  
KANAYA: I Know The Value Of Impulsive Appearance Considerations  
KANAYA: And That Periodically You Can Merely Be Certain They Indicate Some Inner Truth  
JADE: cant say im a girl of many inner truths!  
JADE: (heck, can i even say im a girl at all?)

My ears perk up at that. Well, not like Jade's, which Kanaya is presently thumbing circumnavigatorily, exploring the best angles on the cube of carrera marble from which she is about to carve her statue of David. But still, I've heard murmurings of that sort from enough of our friends to know when to... lightly follow the line of inquiry.

ROSE: Wait, what do you mean by that?  
KANAYA: One Moment My Love  
KANAYA: Jade Darling I Am Ready To  
KANAYA: Get Started  
KANAYA: Keep Your Chin Level If You Please  
JADE: mmhm!

She closes her eyes, lightly smiling. Her glasses rest on the countertop next to her, and even closed her eyes take on the quality of great half-moons circulating the ponderous round of her head. In fact, everything seems to get stuck in her orbit, anything and anyone willing to give her the time of day.

JADE: ooh kanaya if you do one side first we can see how id look with a sick mohawk :p

Kanaya laughs, back of her hand meeting her lips.

KANAYA: Certainly  
KANAYA: If You Would Like

She switches the clippers on, tinny whir filling the space.

ROSE: So, back to girls.  
JADE: haha always!  
JADE: i just never felt like i really had the same experience of girlness as everybody else?  
JADE: maybe that sounds silly  
JADE: girl raised alone on island not like other girls news at 11!!  
JADE: but i always wondered  
JADE: 'what else could i have been?'  
JADE: i try to think about the question of 'what is my gender' and i just  
JADE: its not a thing that even makes sense as a question?  
ROSE: But certainly you're aware of your preferences for other things. Fashion, for instance.  
ROSE: You reconfirmed with Kanaya your selection of this haircut, for example: close-cropped, but you'd rather like to keep the tufts at your cute ears and cleaned up around the sideburns.  
JADE: is that... similar?

Kanaya has begun her careful trek, now, separating thin sections of Jade's voluminous, extensive black curls and shearing them off, using a comb to act as guide and spacer as she does so. She began at the front corner of the crown, making her way back on Jade's head along its curve.

ROSE: I think the fact that you don't find it so could be instructive. For example:  
ROSE: When I attempt to 'picture' my 'gender', I too find the question rather difficult to fathom in vacuum. However, there are certain associations I make.  
ROSE: The tailored suit I wore to my wedding, for example. The dash of an expert fencer, foil thrust through the air, as they bound and leap to avoid an opponent's blade.  
ROSE: The dark and tumultuous roil of the ocean depths at nighttime, teeming with unseen teeth and the barest glimmer of gray eyes watching from the blackness.  
ROSE: Femininity is, to me, all of these things, stylistic markers I choose for myself. I allow them to signpost my self-knowledge, because whatever they are they're meaningful.  
ROSE: This meaning is buoyed by the knowledge that I am, doubtlessly, wordlessly, woman.  
JADE: but whaaaaat  
JADE: does that even mean??  
JADE: woman?

I shrug.  
ROSE: The question is unfathomable. It's a tautology, in my conception, inside my mind; I'm certain of nothing save that 'woman' is me.  
ROSE: It's like... stubbing your toe on a piece of furniture. The only way to properly identify the boundaries of the self is to bring it to bear against something which cannot possibly be considered 'me' in the same way.

Kanaya stifles a snorted laugh, resuming her task, at this point meticulously working around the base of Jade's left ear to clean the final runaway ridges and form a coherent part. A moment later, she steps back, putting a hand to the small circular mirror previously set couchside.

KANAYA: I Have Finished Your Requested First Step  
KANAYA: I Presume You Desire To See It Before We Continue

I gaze past them both, onto the kitchen floor. Even with Jade only half-shaved, the mound looks sizable enough to spring alive, mull over my carpeting like some hellish anti-roomba.

Jade herself has changed thoroughly, remaining hair falling over one eye in simulacrum of a draping center ridgeline of hair over only half her head. Kanaya proffers the mirror to her glance, and instantly her posture changes, back straightening, and her visible eye gleams huge, looming.

ROSE: I'll say it. It looks punk rock.  
JADE: holy  
JADE: FUCK  
JADE: i look  
JADE: so cooooool  
She wiggles in the chair, tail stuck between two slats and wagging away furiously even under the drapery about her shoulders. She tosses the remaining lengths to the side, letting it caress her neck once more. Even her fingers coil in on themselves in her palm, undoubtedly weighing the value of running her lithe hands through the now-shorn side or waiting for Kanaya to polish it to perfection.

She clearly opts to wait, resettling and closing her eyes again.  
JADE: okay!! i got a couple selfies  
JADE: now on to the rest!  
ROSE: Braver than I. It looks good, but you soldier on regardless.  
JADE: i cant help it!! i wanna see it through!

Kanaya but shrugs, returning to her work.

ROSE: So... rather my question to you isn't, 'do you know whether or not you're a woman,' but instead 'what metaphors make sense to you to determine your stylistic outlay, and past that do you find them relatable, or...'  
JADE: uhhhhhh  
JADE: the part of that i got is that it doesnt have to be  
JADE: like  
JADE: people-metaphors?  
ROSE: Sure, absolutely.  
JADE: oh well thats easy  
JADE: even assuming 'dog' is off limits as well because yeahh  
JADE: i think of wind swaying treetops!  
ROSE: Mmhm?  
JADE: i think of my body-- just as it is-- floating on seawater and snoozing comfortably!  
ROSE: Sleeping... on the water.  
JADE: yeah!!  
JADE: and the minor 7 chord...  
JADE: and i think of those cool synthetic diamonds they make in laboratories  
JADE: the perfect ones they use in lasers and stuff  
ROSE: And what... words come to mind to describe those diamonds?  
JADE: for one thing

Jade's thumb and little finger join each other just outside the lip of the shawl. Kanaya urges her head to tilt forward with splayed fingers, and Jade obliges as my wife nears completion of her task.

JADE: theyre unbreakable  
JADE: they never bend for anybody or change their shape!  
JADE: theyre flawless exactly as they come  
JADE: mathematically and symmetrically exact  
JADE: but i fail to see what that has to do with gender at all :p  
ROSE: Fair enough. But the connection lies in where you go with it, yes?  
ROSE: Whether it pushes you towards an aesthetic, or words, or meanings for yourself.  
JADE: well that would be easy if i werent me!  
ROSE: If...?  
JADE: i mean im not lucky enough to feel like 'not a woman' is a thing i just get to be!!!  
JADE: haha im not skinny enough...  
JADE: androgynous enough  
JADE: its not like ill ever pick up enough characteristics of boy appearance like that!

I blink.  
ROSE: What's that a requirement for, precisely?  
JADE: i mean i get what youre going for!!  
ROSE: What I'm...?  
JADE: i mean of COURSE i wish i could be nonbinary  
JADE: of COURSE i would love to use they and them pronouns  
JADE: of COURSE i would love to not get constantly referred to as a girl!!  
JADE: but i like my dresses too much!  
JADE: i dont hate my hair  
JADE: heck the one time i ever wore makeup it was... fine??  
JADE: so its like of COURSE i dont get to be nonbinary :p  
ROSE: Whoa, whoa. Whoa!

Jade stops politely, blinks at me. Kanaya even stops her meticulous edgework around the fresh margins of Jade's new haircut, watches me.

ROSE: Let me just pose for you a thought exercise.  
ROSE: What if I told you I was nonbinary?  
Kanaya's eyes flicker at me for a moment, and I waggle my eyebrows. Jade immediately looks confused, as though battling the impulse furiously to not tilt her head.  
ROSE: Nothing else needs change in my life, that's all fine. Just nonbinary Rose. What happens when I declare that with certitude?  
JADE: i mean.....  
ROSE: No, it's okay. Go ahead, apply the logic to me that you turned on yourself moments ago.  
JADE: but then id have to say  
ROSE: Tread carefully. Might be rude.  
JADE: no but like of course you could be  
ROSE: Of course?  
ROSE: Why of course?  
JADE: because you said so!!  
ROSE: And?  
ROSE: For the record, I'm not.  
ROSE: But what would change?  
JADE: well  
JADE: haha  
JADE: i mean  
JADE: it would  
JADE: but then if i...

JADE: ...

JADE: but

JADE: but then i could just say things like 'i would use they/them pronouns'

JADE: and 'ill still wear dresses but not be a girl'

JADE: and

JADE: it doesnt matter if im 21 or not stick-thin

I narrow my eyes.  
ROSE: It would sound that way, indeed.  
JADE:  
JADE: fuck

Kanaya steps around them, holding the mirror again, and proffers it forward. She unties the table linen and tosses it with the small mountain of cast off sheaves of black hair.  
KANAYA: I Wish To Not Interrupt However  
KANAYA: Perhaps Your Reimagined Visage Will Inspire Clarity Along These Lines Of Sentiment

Jade examines their new 'do, first bringing the center of their palm to the scalp of it to fluff the sharp, fresh lines across their whole head. Kanaya helpfully unbends the arms of their glasses, pushing them towards Jade, who accepts them, puts them on, watches the mirror.

Moments pass. They gaze slowly around the glass, tilting their head this way and that, digging fingertips in, pressing their ears down or flicking them in all directions. They've taken on a whole new look, to be sure, but a buzzcut only does so much; certainly the flash at their teeth, the curls of the smile, the set jaw and undeniably adorable blush filling both their cheeks as the look of joy sets in... they practically bound through the space with vigor, fill it up with their pure energy and glee. Which might, perhaps, be coming from more than just the haircut.

As for me, my feelings? Well, I'm happy for my g--

Partner? Shit. Well, I'll ask their preference later.

Jade's eyes turn to the both of us. I've stood, by now, walked over to Kanaya, run my fingers between hers as we let our datefriend examine every inch of their coiffure.

KANAYA: Happy  
KANAYA: Query Hook  
JADE: its amazing  
JADE: why did i not try this  
They bound at us, arms hooked, and for a moment I fear being bowled over entirely by the sheer force of their manic glee.  
JADE: YEARS AGO AAAAAAA

Kanaya, thankfully, manages to stand her ground, and the two of us together manage to loop our arms entirely around Jade's midsection as we receive a truly spinesplintering hug. Luckily we're both capable of giving as good as we receive.

JADE: oh my god people are gonna FREAK  
JADE: i cannot WAIT to see  
ROSE: Heads will turn. Mountains, crumble.  
JADE: and ill be in the center of it all!!  
KANAYA: And We Will Be  
KANAYA: Right Beside You

As I wish to not end this retelling of my tale on a cliche, I will hold back from some quaint metaphor of 'the tail wagging the dog' or 'happily ever after' or some nonsense about 'finding ourselves'. There will surely be those who don't understand, or believe Jade to be copying others who came before, and to each of them I say, as regards this blissful and bouncing deity, buoyant with glee:

This is but a single Jade, my Jade. And if you don't like this notion for even just them? That sounds like it's on you.


End file.
